Posted by: Phebe Yawson | August 10, 2018

What Next?

I know, my kids are cute and so it looks like life is great! Well, while I am happy and grateful to be alive another day, these days aren’t without various challenges.

So, I don’t if you know my story but I was homeschooled from infancy (that word always makes me think of Pride and Prejudice) anyway, I graduated at 16 and went to Devry where I received my Associate’s Degree in Telecommunications Management. Life was great and I had job offers left and right but I decided to follow my dreams (1 of several) and go volunteer in Ghana. I moved there for over 13 years and gave my life to so many, so fulfilling to give so much of myself. It’s just how I’m wired, giving is fulfilling. Then I met my husband, we fought so much. We came from completely different points of views and seeing life from each other’s eyes made us fall in love, we got married, got pregnant. I had a miscarriage, which was so hard. Then we had our first child, Chara. Before she was 2 we were pregnant again, I was 20 weeks when we lost our baby, that was my most difficult challenge. I was broken but smiling. I recovered. Towards the end of my fourth pregnancy (yup, I got pregnant again) that’s when we relocated back to America where I’m from. Newark, New Jersey! My husband got a job in Baltimore and I stay in my mother’s house in New Jersey. I went through a lot, I worried about our daughter so much, missing her father. They’re really close. I thought for sure we would only have to live like that for a few months, but here we are 3 years and a third child later still back and forth between states and it’s so hard. Not just for us but the kids too. I’m hoping that there will light and the end of this tunnel, not a flash before heading into another tunnel.

Now there’s that challenge but also for the past 2 years I’ve been living in my mom’s basement which is great. Nice space, a bathroom and oven. Warm in the winter, cool in the summer and were hid away from the rest of the house so the kids can be as loud as they want.

A few months ago my throat started itching, I assumed it was a cold, but I noticed that it was only when I was in the basement. Come to find out there was mould in our living space. It was on the walls and in the carpet. Once we realized that’s what was going on we pulled everything out, pulled the carpet up, cleaned the walls and the floors with bleach and white vinegar then painted with mould killer. Now, if that wasn’t challenging enough, trying to move back in has sucked the life right out of me and all week I haven’t gotten anything done.

Then there’s my weight. Which I must say it was like I just woke up this heavy. Like I was walking in a fog. I didn’t realize until 3 days ago, I was talking to myself like, ooh, girl, your 10 year anniversary is at the end of this month, this how u going in. Myself said, you had 5 kids, in 5 years, and you almost died, yup! This how u going in..but you can lay off them sweets and exercise now that baby boy not feeding.

Before, during, after, in between all of this my uncle Bobby, aunt Kathy, 1st cousin Mookie, and cousin Wesley all passed away within 2 years of each other. To say that the weights of balance shifted into confusion would be an understatement. Everybody was trying to be there for everybody but we all were breaking down, with His grace we got through it, still going through it but our family is strong.

For some reason I started writing again, stories, I mean. I always wrote poetry, never stopped that, it’s my great escape. Looking back over my life, parents divorce, family fights, separation, heartache, I never stopped writing, I don’t think I can, stop. #amwriting is me

Rising with the sun, until the next one

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Posted by: Phebe Yawson | April 9, 2018

Exhausted

This is my middle child, Esi, she looks like I feel.

Posted by: Phebe Yawson | April 6, 2018

Not Today

I have 4 chapters of editing left to my new novel, She Cried Wolf. My editor has sent corrections and I’m dying to know what he changed, what he improved and what he thought about the changes I made yesterday. I’m so anxious.

But I have not been able to look, no, not once at all today. You see I have 3 children. My oldest is 4, the middle child is 2 and my last born just turned 5 months. Any parent with every child knows, you can have the perfect child until you need to get something done then they morph into little lovely monsters who cry for everything but don’t want anything. They spill, they hit, they draw on walls and doors, prank call neighbors. They’re always hungry and they only want sugar and to be picked up.

Every time I picked up my Chromebook my 5 month old, Josiah woke up. If he didn’t my 4 year old, Chara, was screaming about something her sister, my 2 year old, Esi, did to her.

Needless to say it has been a very long day and it’s not over because for some reason tonight none of them have fallen asleep. All three of them are 2 hours past their usual sleep time.

I guess I won’t be looking at those edits after all. Not today anyway. I’m just so excited to be so close to being done with my book and having it.

Awe snap! I’m so scared to move, Esi and Chara just fell asleep and Josiah’s eyes are closing. I don’t know what just happened but it’s all happening at the same time and you know what, I’ll take it.

Talk later…

Posted by: Phebe Yawson | March 22, 2018

Editing

I am now in the editing phase of my novel. Can I say it is both heartbreaking and rewarding. So many sleepless nights, and tears like weeping tears when I wrote some scenes, they’ll never be seen. Only God knows, they’re gone. My brain is fuzzy and I’m over the place.

If you’e ever written a first draft, then a see second then thought to have perfected the third only to see it butchered by an editor you understand my heartache.

But reading what I do create out of agitation and determination from being challenged to be better, is so much better.

I loved my book, She Cried Wolf when I first wrote it but now after these edits and additions, I am in love with my book and can’t wait for others to read it.

Posted by: Phebe Yawson | March 19, 2018

I Miss Ghana!

Ghana has my heart. The people, the culture, the spirit…it’s beautiful. Ghanaians have a way of bringing you to your senses. They are very truthful, authentic people. If you have gained weight, they will tell you, “oh my dear, you’ve gotten fat!” If you then lose that weight, “wow! You have reduced!” They never say things to be cruel, it’s not their nature. If you get married, “May God bless you with twins!” They speak very emphatically because their very passionate people with much love to give.

I can’t wait to go home. I met my husband in Ghana, easy because he’s Ghanaian. We both worked for the same NGO in Ghana. We hated each other at first. I never thought I’d grow to love him but I went and fell in love with him.

I told him when we met that I feel like I’m from the Congo. He joked and laughed, not to be cruel. He just thought I was being silly. Then 12 years later after we get married and have children he buys me a DNA kit from Ancestry.com I run the tests and come to find out I’m 11% Ghanaian but 37% Congolese

 

Posted by: Phebe Yawson | March 19, 2018

Self Publishing

So I wrote a new book called She Cried Wolf. Now it needs to be edited so I take to Twitter and search for editors and the prices for editing my baby was like the pains of having a baby. I got so caught up looking for an editor I forgot that I’ll need other things before I can release this great piece of work that was born of my imagination.

When I stepped back I realized how much work needed to be done. I still needed to work on a book cover and an ebook cover. Buying my ISBN numbers and barcodes, illustrations and the list seemed to go. It all seems so daunting, so overwhelming. Thankfully I have some nice author friends on Twitter and LinkIn who were right there when I was freaking out.

They each told me to focus on one thing at a time and if I’m dedicated it will happen in time.

So I guess I’ll find out if I’m dedicated or not…

Step 1…..edit

Posted by: Phebe Yawson | January 30, 2017

Book reviews

So I’m an author! Yay! I released in September of 2016 and I really like my book but I can’t seem to sell one to someone I don’t know. And everyone is like oh don’t feel bad it’s your first book. Nobody knows who you are. Don’t be so sensitive. That’s ┬áthe sleep I missed out on, the time I could’ve had with my kids or my husband or perfecting my cooking techniques or recipes. I poured myself into this short story book. And I just want one person I don’t know to read it. Good bad or painfully ugly

Posted by: Phebe Yawson | January 11, 2010

Love Will Occupy Your Day

You won’t have time to complain,
won’t have the worry or the strain
won’t see the tears or the pain
see the sun and the rain

cause in the mist of it all
they say its hardest when the sunfalls
but when you look around to pray
it’s over, love occupied your day!

every smile that you gave,
paper u picked off the concrete
the last dollar in your hand
u gave it to another man
so now it comes back to you,
you wonder what you gonna do
turn around to give it up and pray
love occupies your day

Posted by: Phebe Yawson | January 11, 2010

thread

you leave with my thoughts with what’s on my grind
i’m wondering where’s the love, where am i in ur mind
how much of it is real, what was pretend
don’t remember this questioning feeling
echoes in my heart loud in my head
how can i fill him up
how do i attach this thread
it’s like when he don’t want me
what’s the use of being around
it’s like when he don’t care
i don’t want to be found
i begin with him, i end with him
tied by a bond don’t know where i begin the blend
is so that i can’t tell
but David said if I made by bed in hell and
He know what He did when He put me n u and u n me
so what do we do
we gotta figure it out some way some time
gotta stop the tears from falling and get back on my grind
funny thing is i acted with them
wasn’ really cryin just liked the attention
they did just what i thought
said what was in my head
played out like a play and i was the director
but with you nothing is at it seems
you’re connected to me like i never wake from dream.
i can’t take what you give
i never wanna talk
cuz i’m always wondering what u approve of
this is it but u know i must say
i begin n end wit u this love ain’t one way

Posted by: Phebe Yawson | January 11, 2010

Hallelujah for a Good Day!!!

What up all, bout to head out to a performance with the fam at a University. The University of Cape Coast! This is gonna be fun. We’re doing a drama first so it’s really gonna be fun. I’ll tell you all about it when I back! But I leave you with this, because ever since I started writing these blogs I’ve been writing more poetry.

Can’t count the days
but I give the praise
and things from which you saved me from
and when it’s all done what can i do to show you i appreciate u!
you gave me the love of my life,
and through him i see a better me
someone i can stand on no doubt and he’ll lead me cuz i’m listening
i was wondering though, what did u have in my mind
when i saw my heart wasn’t my own
it was given to him who turned more than a friend
first it was just special
now we are tied lie a knot that u can’t take out
and we lean on each other cause we can

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